What good can come of this?

It is 2am and I cannot sleep.

I have been the recipient of a horrific case of poison ivy. I received this "gift" almost 2 1/2 weeks ago and the past 2 days have been the worse. On Monday I bought a small bottle of 100% tea tree oil and applied it to my wounds.

That night I broke out into a rash all over my belly and neck. The next two days I spent trying not to scratch at the rash that may have been a reaction to the tea tree oil. It has gotten so bad that my ears itch. Now that is pretty pathetic.

On Wednesday I called my primary care physician to beg them to call in something to release me from my pain. But they wouldn't. They claimed that they were too busy to see me and maybe I needed to call my OB. I had already called my OB and they said that if it got any worse I should see a dermatologist. So I did what anyone else would do in my situation. I began to cry.

I was on my way to drop off Paige for preschool. I dialed Duane's office and told him the conversation I had with my doctor. He was gracious enough just to listen. The night before I had shared with him that I just wanted him to listen to me and offer sympathy. I knew that he couldn't do anything to heal me or fix me, I just needed him to listen. So that is what he did. Then he suggested that he would call my OB's office to see if they'd give me a referral to a dermatologist.

After I hung up, Paige asked, "Momma, why are you crying?" Obviously my attempt at trying to hide my tears didn't work. I was honest with her and told her that Mommy was pretty sad that she felt this way and wanted it to go away. Then she asked me, "When is Jesus going to heal your legs?" I didn't know what to say to her.

We got a call back later that day that my dermatology appointment would be on Friday morning. But it was Wednesday. Duane saw my look of desperation and asked, "Do you think you can make it till then?" I responded, "Yes." What else could I say? In the light of what others I know who are suffering, this itching is nothing. It could be constant pain. I am thankful for that.

So to survive the past two days I have been taking Benadryl around the clock and applying the strongest cream that I can find to my patches of poison ivy.

In my times of desperation when I am crying out to the Lord I hear Him remind me that His grace is enough and my weakness can become His strength. But the one thing I am learning is that my complaining gets me nowhere. I quietly bite my tongue when I think I cannot handle another itch and ask the Lord for His strength to ignore it. Sometimes I can handle it and other times I find that I can't.

Hence the reason that I am up at 2am. I woke up clawing my legs trying to find relief. Then began the itching on my arms. I used to believe that itching meant that things were healing, now it means that things are spreading. Duane was amazed at how bad this is getting when he saw my arms earlier today.

I am reminded of a passage in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (New International Version), Paul is addressing an issue that he had been dealing with, his "thorn in the flesh."

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

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So this is my prayer now. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal in the light of what Jesus did for us but I know that the Lord uses situations like this to draw us closer to Him. Poison Ivy might just be that thing that the Lord uses in my life to teach me about depending on him.

Lord allow Jesus' power to rest on me. Teach me how to delight in weaknesses. For when I am weak, then I am strong.