Goodbyes

I have not experienced such sadness and joy like this before. Can I tell you about my friends?

In the past 6 weeks, I have had numerous phone calls from selfless people calling to check in on me and my children. They've invited us to eat with them. They've watched my children for me as I need a break, or at least when I was coerced into letting them take them off my hands for awhile. They've painted my ceilings, scrubbed my floors, hung mirrors, changed light fixtures, carried out old mattresses, drained my lawn mower, smelled my stinky basement, changed out a kitchen faucet, cleaned out my fridge, freezer and pantry and shared a coffee with me. I've been humbled by their generosity.

But most importantly, they've let me cry with them.

I've been humbled in so many ways these past few days. The words of affirmation that I receive, the words of encouragement are sometimes too much to bear. I have a really hard time believing the words my friends have shared with me. But I know that the Lord is wanting me to listen and receive these words to strengthen me for what is ahead.

I wish I could write a poem or sing a song in honor of my friends, but I'm not that good with words. So this is for my friends. I am honored to have known you, I'm better for knowing you and I'm a changed person because you've allowed Jesus to love me through you. You have no idea the depth of your friendship and how I mourn the times ahead that I cannot physically be with you. I carry your touch with me into this new season of my life.

Ashle, Jamie, Lacy, Rachel, Stephanie and Wendy...you all have my heart and I love you all so much!

We Are Moving!! Finally!

It is finally official...after 5 weeks of waiting, we've found a house to rent in Massachusetts!

When Duane called tonight and said, "Maria, pack your bags, you're moving to Massachusetts!" my heart leapt inside of me! I quickly put the phone on "speaker phone" and told him to share the news with the girls. They screamed, they were so excited!

We've known about this house for a few days but haven't said anything to them so as not to get their hopes up again. We feel like we've let them down so many times! We have been praying for this for the past 5 weeks and it is such a relief to know that we now have a place to go to!

Last night as I prepared to go to bed, I talked with Duane on the phone, and I decided that I didn't want to keep talking on the phone with him every night, I just want to be with him. That's not how I want to be saying, "Goodnight!" Sometimes I feel so selfish thinking that. I have a good friend that would give anything to be able to talk to her husband as often as I get to but he is overseas serving in the military.

Above is the house we will be renting for at least the next year. Duane was really excited to tell me about it. It was listed as a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, so we weren't looking at it given the lack of bedrooms. But when the realtor called Duane to check it out, they found that it actually was a 4 bedroom house!!! The girls will have a separate room for a playroom and Duane and I will have an office! It was built in the 1950's and I've fallen in love with 1950 style ranches. My sister-in-law lives in a ranch and I know that she'd share all the things she sees as problems but I've always enjoyed her home. This is the living room with a working fireplace. An excellent addition given the winters we will be facing!

This is the kitchen. We found out that we have to provide a refrigerator, but finding one on craigslist.com shouldn't be a problem. I'm not picky. If it's one thing these past 5 weeks have taught me is that I have everything I need and I am so willing to give it all away to have my family together again. It kills me to put my children to bed every night to hear them say, "Mommy, I miss daddy. When are we going to see him again?" I don't know how to answer them some nights because I am choking back my own tears because I miss him too.

Our God has been so good to us. He's protected us more than I can know while Duane has been gone. We were able to spend a great week with him last week. We are able to talk to him everyday. Despite not getting paid for 4 weeks, we were able to pay all our bills on time. God is so good. We have had 6 showings on the house and an open house that was very busy. I know that the Lord knows who will buy our house, He is going to help us wait it out and trust Him to make all our bills.

He knows our way. He's made this way. We can trust Him to continue to work it out. Sometimes it is hard to see how it will work out. But in praying for our housing situation this week, we've seen how He wants to show us He is in control of these little details. I am so thankful for the opportunity to journal about it so I can remember how faithful He is.

Let's get moving!

Details

So another rental has fallen through. Would you tell me if I was completely lacking in understanding what the Lord is trying to say right now???

God is doing some big things lately to prepare this way. Let me share just two things.

Duane is completely in love with our cats, Morrison and Annabel. Morrison, we got just a few months after we were married. We were so excited about getting him and another cat, Soda, that we were late to one of our best friends' wedding. (Unfortunately, they aren't married any more, maybe we should've made a better point to be there earlier, or maybe we knew that it wasn't going to make it??) Anyhow, when we moved to Wichita, the other cat, Soda, became very stressed out and had some major liver issues, after spending a horrible amount of money to figure out what was wrong with her we decided it was best to have her put to sleep. The vet couldn't guarantee that she wasn't going to have more problems like this in the future and they wanted to operate on her and send her to Kansas City, 2 1/2 hours away! Morrison is like a dog around Duane, he rolls over on his back and loves to have him rub his belly. We've not had any problems with Morrison, he is a very lovable cat!!

Annabel, a.k.a. "Annie" we received around the time that Duane's grandmother was suffering through the cancer that eventually took her life. She really wanted her to go to someone who would love her like she did. Duane traveled to Ohio to visit his grandmother when she was in hospice and was able to bring little Annie home with him. His mother found him a beautiful pink cat purse to carry her on the plane in. When I picked him up at the airport, I found a man walking towards me with an enormous backpack and several days worth of beard and this tiny little pink purse carefully tucked in under his arm. Annabel is a full bred Burmese cat and was a show cat for many years for her breeder. We quickly began calling her Annabel since our Annie was just a few months old at the time.

After Duane left, I invited our friends Wendy and her daughter Maddy over for dinner one night. Wendy's husband, Jeremy was just deployed to Afghanistan the same week Duane left. On their way over to our house, Maddy said to her mom, "I wonder what Maria will do with the cats when they leave." Wendy said she didn't know but guessed that the Marshalls would take them with them. Maddy responded, "Well, if they don't, I would totally be all over that!" Wendy and I were cracking up when she shared the story with her. I was kind of taken aback when she did tell me because I had been feeling that we shouldn't take the cats but I knew that Duane would be really upset with me if I mentioned getting rid of them. I talked more with Wendy and asked her to talk with Jeremy and see if they really would be interested. She did and he was very excited.

So I called Duane and shared all this with him and he was upset with me. But when Duane came home, his allergies started in again. (Part of that is the state of Kansas.) One day he was sitting in the living room with one of the cats on his lap and he was petting it and he looked over at me and said, "Maybe I am a bit more allergic to the cats than I want to admit." I couldn't believe he said that! He told me that he would be OK with giving them to our friends. So the cats have a new home. I know that this doesn't sound so big but it really has been a big deal in this house. I haven't shared this news with the girls yet because I really wanted to know for sure that it would work out. But this means that we aren't bound to certain apartments or rentals that don't rent to pet owners.

The next big thing involves traveling to Massachusetts. We've considered shipping our car with a car carrier and having to rent a car while we wait on our car to arrive, all that would cost close to $2000, which is a big blow to our account. We've also talked about driving our car across the eastern half of the U.S. If we decide to drive, we could stop off in Ohio to visit our family, many of whom we haven't seen in almost 2 years! Not many of them have met Ruby either. Duane has already had almost a week off at his new job and having only been there for a month, it doesn't seem fair to ask for more time off. The key is to keep the job, not loose it!

So that leaves me to drive 1641 miles. I could probably make it to St. Louis with four children in about 2 days, but it is only 7 hours away. Considering I am still nursing Ruby and my two older girls would have to ride backwards, I want to be fair to them and not make it completely miserable. I called my mom to see if she would consider coming out to Kansas and helping me drive. She needed to take some time to pray about it and talk with my dad about it. My mom has a huge fear of flying. I can't tell you how huge this fear is. I offered to pick her up in Kansas City and she could help me drive to Ohio, Duane is considering flying into Ohio to help me drive back to Boston.

My mom called and shared that yes she is willing to fly by herself out here! I was so excited! But before we go any further, it took a lot to get her to say, "yes." She was sitting in church on Sunday and sensed the Lord give her a picture. In this picture there is a heart. Traveling out of the left side of the heart is a dotted line with an airplane above the line and God's hand under the line. Then from that end is another line with a car on it traveling to the heart again with God's hand under it. On the opposite side of the heart are the same lines and airplane, car and the Lord's hands. My mom felt the Lord was telling her that He is in this. He will be the One protecting this trip and she needs to go. But the coolest thing about this is the heart. The heart is Ohio. If you look at the shape of the state of Ohio, it is a heart, in fact for a long time, Ohio's state motto was, "Ohio, the Heart of it All."

Isn't the Lord so good? I'm standing in the midst of this crying wondering when I am going to be with my husband and the Lord is telling me, "Maria, I Am in this. I am working all these things out to help you. You have no idea what I have in store for you. Wait on Me."

Last night I spent a long time going back through my journal almost 9 months and I see this theme over and over again of the Lord telling me to wait on Him, He knows what is ahead, trust Him. Some days it is a lot to take but seeing how He is working these things out for our good encourages me that He can keep working and I can keep trusting Him with all these little details.

Our Reunion

Duane came home this week. What a sight! The older girls and I met him at the airport at midnight one night while a friend stayed at my house with the younger girls. I cried the moment I saw him. He was so excited to see Jena and Paige and they were equally excited and nervous. They didn't stop talking the entire way home. They were happy too because I had promised to keep them home the next day from school so they could sleep in and spend the day with Daddy.

Unfortunately, we didn't get to go on a date like we'd planned. Not for lack of babysitters, but because Annie had a fever of almost 103 degrees the entire week. Earlier in the week, she was vomiting too. She lost weight and was very clingy. I couldn't leave the room without her screaming for me. I was so thankful that Duane was home to help carry the stress of her sickness.

We spent most the week following leads on apartments and rentals that all led nowhere. We were pretty disappointed until Friday morning we received word that there might be an available 3 bedroom apartment available. Duane quickly scheduled an appointment for Monday after work to check it out and fill out an application if in fact the apartment is still available. Our plan is to head out of town as soon as possible if it all works out. I am trying to not get too excited as if to prepare myself for the word that it isn't available. Everything we've pursued in the past 4 weeks has fallen through. The Lord has heard my heart and I can totally trust Him with this, even if it means that it doesn't work out. He hasn't forgotten about us, I know that for a fact.

It was pretty tough putting Duane on the plane again this time but I also have confidence that I can make it again just like I did before. The Lord is the one giving me strength to go on and He has His eye on Duane too. We have peace that it is coming, the end to this. We know that He knows our way, He is the One leading us. He knows the mountains ahead of us: selling our house and finding housing in MA. They aren't mountains to Him. He can see the other side. Soon, we will be on the other side. Man, I can't wait!