Don't try to explain it

http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/faith_values/stories/2010/01/22/fv_nathan.ART_ART_01-22-10_B4_H1GCGLB.html?sid=101

How can I not be moved?

Haiti has just experienced another quake, although some reports say it was an aftershock, it still measured 6.0. Just a week after the first earthquake, I can only imagine the fear people felt as they were rocked yet again. Experiencing minor aftershocks is one thing, reliving the terror they experienced 8 days ago is another.

I heard someone pray earlier this week that the Haitian people would see Jesus walking in their midst. I don't believe as some that this was a judgment on Haiti or that God doesn't care about Haiti. I know that we live in a broken world and just as we suffer from sin, I believe the the earth suffers too. I can't make sense of this, I've been trying to and I'm failing.

Over dinner last night I talked with the girls about Haiti. They hadn't understood what was going on so I felt compelled to share what I thought they could handle. Paige's reaction stuck with me, her face turned white and she gasped in fear. It is the same horror that I feel when I hear reports or see photographs of the intense suffering. What tragedy, what suffering, what loss can I compare this to in my own life? I don't have anything that can compare. So I can't know or judge what is going on. I've not been given that role.

What does comfort me and give me hope is knowing God sees this. He knows exactly the pain and fear the Haitians are experiencing. He understands the frustrations that relief workers feel as they hand out their last meal or piece of clothing and must tell those waiting that they have none left. He sits with the mother as she cradles her young child who is waiting for medical attention. He cries with the man who desperately digs with his bare hands into the debris and rubble that has buried a loved one. He holds those stuck in the rubble as they breathe their last.

This morning I ran across some photos of looters. I was surprised by my own reaction, because usually I think that looting is sick but I realized that I would be doing the same thing if I was in desperate circumstances too. I would steal food to feed my family, I would find clothing to clothe my children, I would do anything I could to take care of those around me. Just as these Haitians are doing. I can't judge them because I haven't experienced what they have.

Oh Jesus, come, bring Your compassion, your healing, your freedom to these people. Their greatest needs are things I take for granted each day. Change me. Give me your heart of compassion. Impress upon me Your love for this hurting world.


This site was linked on a friend's blog: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/01/haiti_six_days_later.html

Living in the Desert

Today is a desert day. I wish I meant "dessert" day, that is always much better than a desert day. "Desert Day." Not because of the weather outside, on the contrary it is beginning to snow and is quite bitter outside. I mean a desert day in my soul. Dry, lonely, scorching sun beating down, relentless thirst, searching for an oasis and knowing deep down the the oasis is far away.

I haven't been completely aware of what I have been traveling through recently until I had to take an honest look this morning. Recently I've been missing my family more intensely than any other time in the last 6 years. Sometimes I am angry that the Lord has led us to this place, just to be honest with myself. I am so lonely at times. I'm missing some deep friendships. I'm jealous of what I don't have.

I miss those times that a friend can see through my fake smiles. She knows that something else is going on without my confession. She listens to me without judgment or advice. She prays for me. That's what I miss the most. The deep connection with someone who cares about me spiritually. I've had that and I miss it terribly. I miss a friend who will stop by just only to pray with me. To sit with me and hold me while I cry. To intercede on my behalf.

Of course, my husband is incredible at all these things but I truly believe that the Lord allows girlfriends to fill those voids that my husband can't fill.

I also know that I am not alone in feeling this way. I am sure that there are plenty of women who feel the same way and yet are afraid of voicing what they're experiencing for fear of what others will say. What holds me back from approaching someone and instead of saying, "I will be thinking of you and praying for you today," I just do it. I used to. What has changed?

Maybe my brokenness today isn't just for me but to wake me up to intercede for other women who are feeling this same way. I will begin to pray for the Lord to bring healing to other women and trust Him to deepen friendships and to spiritually connect with others.

Bring it Lord. Bring healing, break down pride, allow Your Spirit to penetrate friendships, change the women I come in contact with by Your Spirit, not because of anything I say, change me so that other women will see You when they look at me. I want You to be reflected in my eyes and my words.