Farm Life

This past weekend we traveled to The Harber Farm in Salem, Arkansas. Duane's uncle Harley and aunt Gail own a farm in rural Arkansas. What an escape for us! We really enjoyed ourselves and the girls had a lot of new experiences.

Thursday night this mare gave birth to her little foal. The girls had a great time watching the little foal walk around with her momma. The mare was really protective of her baby. We were amazed at how well the little horse did for being just a few days old. By the end of the weekend, she was running with her mother!

The girls spent a few afternoons playing in the creek that runs through the farm. Another family joined us with their 4 daughters and the girls all had a great time together.

Duane and I shared our own time together in the creek. We experienced kayaking for the first time. We faired pretty well the first time. When we went to put the kayaks out the second day, Duane shared a story with me that he had promised he wouldn't share in front of the girls. The day before, Duane's Uncle Harley and his friend Paul walked up to the front porch and a 5 foot snake greeted them. They quickly killed it with a shovel before any of the girls saw it! Great timing Duane! I entered the water freaked out that I would see a snake. I will say that I let all inhibitions die though. I learned to relieve myself along the bank. I think that I really surprised Duane. It was a long walk back up to the house and I really needed to go, so I did. He looked at me and said, "I cannot believe that I have waited 8 years for this moment!" Ah, the great outdoors.

As Duane put his kayak in the water the second day, I looked around to see him plop right out of it! We were just commenting how much more at ease we felt this time since we knew the river better! How funny, poor thing he rode the rest of the way down the river in wet clothes! I on the other hand found a low lying tree that I decided to put my kayak in! We just cracked up at our pride!

On Sunday, Uncle Harley and Aunt Gail surprised the girls by asking some of their friends to bring their horses to the farm so the girls could ride them. They were beside themselves with excitement!

Here Jena is standing next to one of the horses. Jena loved the horses. She was upset that she couldn't ride on her own, but she enjoyed the time she was led around! Duane and I were really surprised by Paige's excitement too. Usually she is a bit more reluctant but she did not want to be left out of this excitement. While the girls were riding the horses, Annie was enjoying the carrots that were for the horses!

She chewed on this carrot for over a half hour and was really bent when we took it away from her. Later we realized that it was great for her teething! I am sure that the horses didn't mind a little baby slobber!

Not only did Annie check out the carrots, she enjoyed checking out Momma too. I wonder what she was thinking. (Gail surprised us with this photo!)

After Paige had some time on the horses, she decided that she wanted to help Uncle Harley water the trees on the farm. So she followed him to his truck and helped him for the better part of an hour water the trees. Harley nicknamed her "Indian Princess." I think she secretly loved the attention!

We are grateful for the long weekend away! We always enjoy ourselves with Harley and Gail and it is pretty special to share these experiences with the girls! I think that they also enjoyed themselves too!

Is He-Quite Safe?

I have had the privilege for the second time to sit down with my girls and read to them from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. We have been taking the book one chapter at a time and reviewing what the previous chapter was about before reading the next. Jena loves it because she is learning to read over my shoulder and tries to follow along. Paige likes it because we lay on Mommy's bed and snuggle together, the only thing she is trying to follow along with are the sketches throughout the book. I enjoy the closeness I feel with my girls but also I am beginning to understand the parallels that are depicted in Aslan the lion to Jesus.

Towards the beginning of the book the characters find themselves wandering about in Narnia. They realize at some point that they are in danger and they are led by some beavers to a safe place. During a conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Beaver, the Beavers explain why it is always winter in Narnia. The self-described Jadis, Queen of Narnia, has placed a spell over Narnia that it will always be winter. The only way the spell will break is with the help of Aslan, a lion. The children begin asking questions about Aslan, whom they've just found out they will soon meet:

"Ooh!" said Susan, "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and no mistake, " said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

"I'm longing to see him," said Peter, "even if I do feel frightened when it comes to the point." (pp. 79-80)


As Aslan and the children meet, they do feel themselves in awe in his presence. They feel peace when they are near him and they feel stronger being in his presence too. That is how it is when we are in Jesus' presence. I think that we are all longing for something that we cannot describe. Something deep inside us desires to be a part of something wonderful, bigger than ourselves. But until we have a chance to be in the King's presence we aren't sure how we can have that desire fulfilled. What makes the adventure so great is that it isn't predictable, it isn't safe, it is completely wild. But it is good, it is what He has planned for us. He is good to us, He has good intentions in our lives too.

Yesterday, as the girls and I lay on my bed I read another chapter to them. I cannot count how many times I have read this book, it is my favorite. But as I lay reading to them I was struck by the depth of this picture in the chapter that took my breath away and I began to cry as I read to them.

Aslan is on a journey by himself and the girls find themselves unable to sleep and so they begin to follow him. After awhile of stealing into the shadows, Aslan turns around to see them and invites them to walk with him. He seems quiet and they begin to wonder what is wrong with him.

"Aslan! Dear Aslan!" said Lucy, "what is wrong? Can't you tell us?"

"Are you ill, dear Aslan?" asked Susan.

"No," said Aslan. "I am sad and lonely. Lay your hands on my mane so that I can feel you are there and let us walk like that."

And so the girls did what they would never have dared to do without his permission, but what they had longed to do ever since they first saw him-buried their cold hands in the beautiful sea of fur and stoked it and, so doing, walked with him. (pp.149-150)

My emotions were heavy as I read this aloud to the girls. I have had longings to have Jesus be a physical presence in my life. I long sometimes to see Him, for Him to touch me, to hold me, just to feel Him. But as I read this, the picture of the girls having a moment where they reached out to touch Aslan was too much for me. I hadn't thought of wanting to touch Jesus myself until that moment. What an incredible, scary moment that must have been. He knew the desire of their heart and He granted it in that simple gesture.

As I finished the chapter and try to collect my emotions, I began to think about the desires of my heart. I know the moment that I will have to touch Jesus someday has been put on the top of my list.

Has your brain gotten bigger?

What a silly question to ask.

Sometimes I think that in mothering the brain shrinks. At least my vocabulary has changed a lot. For instance, I was sitting at lunch one day several weeks ago. It was feeding time for all the children. Duane had a chance to come home to join us. As we were eating, I pointed outside and started to say something intelligent and all that came out was, "Huh, ah." I knew in my mind what I needed to say but the words had failed me. Sadly enough, Duane responded, "Yeah, I noticed that the city changed the street light." How odd that he understood what I had wanted to say. So maybe the brain changes in fatherhood too. That gives me more comfort!

Anyhow, I have been reading a book about mothering. The authors quote a journalist that has written an entire book about mothers. In her book she shares that "women who become mothers actually experience a reshaping of the brain in which it becomes a more complex organ-mothers actually get smarter rather than dumber or more spacey!"(Quote from: What Every Mom Needs by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall)

These authors also quote the journalist, "By means of a dynamic combination of love, genes, hormones, and practice, the female brain undergoes concrete and likely long-lasting changes through the process of giving birth and raising children." (The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter by Katherine Ellison.)

WOW!! Evidence that I am not any dumber than I was 7 years ago. I may not talk like I used to but I have a plethora of information stored in my brain that I didn't have back then. Info that will serve me the rest of my life! Songs like "B-I-N-G-O" and "Old MacDonald Had A Farm" and which Polly Pockets have the best dresses. Other useful info, how long does it take to reheat homemade baby food? Is that a hunger or tired cry? Ah, advice that might serve another young woman well that I may have a chance to pass along someday.

In any event, I am so thankful that my brain has changed. I know that I am fuller because of my family. I am a different person because of how the past 7 years have changed me. I don't find that I am that much more interesting but hopefully my children see something in me that draws them closer each day. By the way, I think that it is wonderful that Duane's brain has changed too!

Forgiveness in the midst of hurt

Yesterday I was deeply hurt by someone that I love. In the midst of the hurt I fought hard to keep my emotions in check. This person appeared to be intentional in the things they said but I know that it in retrospect they were reacting to the situation. Later I had a choice to make. Forgive or harbor bitterness? Of course I wanted justice, I wanted to retaliate and bite back with harsh words. I shared my feelings with the Lord, "God, I am so angry right now, I want to hate them." Now I see how thankful I should be that I didn't say those things! Of course I don't hate them, I love them more than my own life!

Matthew 18:21-21 reads:

21At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?" 22Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.


Wonder what prompted Peter to ask Jesus this question? Had someone offended him? Had he offended someone else and was thinking, "Man, I blew it AGAIN! How will they ever forgive me?" Goodness knows that Peter was forever sticking his foot in his mouth. He probably had his share of people that he had offended. The closer that he got to Jesus the more he became aware of his shortcomings. Isn't that true in our own lives?

Instinctly, we are drawn to good things, pure things, things that cause us to be better people. Babies bring that out in a lot of people. Holding a newborn causes many new parents to rethink what their life looks like. "Maybe I should get more involved in a church..." Spring time pulls a lot of people outside to enjoy the budding of new life. We are drawn towards light in the dark. Good things cause us to want to be good.

Seventy times seven, Jesus said. 490 times? Probably Jesus was just speaking figuratively. He means don't keep count of how many times you have forgiven someone for the same offense. Yes, it is hard to forgive sometimes. But how many times have we been on the other end? Do you continue to ask forgiveness from someone you have offended? Do you ever wonder if their grace and patience will run out? It is possible that it may. But do you know that Someone has more grace and patience than you? Jesus does.

I think about my own life and I am embarrassed to think how some of the things in my life that I hide from others is the same sin over and over again. Seventy times seven. I know that the Lord has forgiven me far more times than that for the same sin. How gracious He is. How much more gracious He asks us to be with others!

Our "messenger of life"

PAIGE OLIVIA

"Messenger of Life"

Paige is turning 4 years old on Friday! It is so hard to believe that she is getting that old. We moved when she was just 5 months old so she only knows this place as home. She has done a lot of growing up in that time. Take a look...

This photo is of Paige when she is less than 2 weeks old. Duane and I joked that she had "kissy lips", she still does and we love it. Ah, how sweet she is.

1 Year Old

Paige when she is 1 year old enjoying eating. It is still one of her favorite past times. I love this photo because it shows her in such a cute expression.

Paige on a cold December day in 2004. She had just found a leaf and was showing Duane her new treasure. What a simple time!

2 Years Old

Paige enjoying herself by the water on vacation. She is two years old in this photo. She was surprisingly brave near the waters edge. She acted like she had always loved the water. Notice her face in this photo. The scrapes are pretty characteristic of her face during this year and the following. She fell a lot that year!

3 Years Old

Paige on her 3rd birthday. She was in love with Chewbacca from Star Wars. Duane found this vintage Chewie on ebay. She was so excited to see Chewie. Chewie was good at giving hugs! Not too long after this Chewie couldn't give anymore hugs, his arms fell off!

What a joy she is in our family. Many people say that the middle child is a special child. I think that I would agree. We see things in Paige that are incredible for such a young age. She has such a heart for others. She is very sympathetic to other's feelings. She is extremely hospitable. She anticipates others' needs too. We just recently learned that she is ambidextrous. She loves to sing and has an infectious laugh! What a great year is ahead of her. She will attend pre-school in the fall and is very excited about that. She has a lot of friends and loves her big sister Jena more than her own life sometimes! One of her best qualities is her hug!

Loving the Unlovely

"It is said, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Well I say, keep everyone as close as possible to you because you don’t know who is your friend or your enemy. Keep the people below you even closer if that’s possible. Even if they have to be inside you."

Ah, the wise words of Dwight K. Schrute.

Do you have any enemies? I really have begun to ponder this question after reading the above quote.

What a wise thing actually. Keep your enemies closer than your friends? I wonder if we truly have any enemies and if we do how can we keep them closer than our friends? I think that Jesus modeled it really well for us. The Message quotes Jesus in Matthew 5:43-47 stating:

43-47"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that."

"Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst...This is what God does. He gives his best..."

How many times do I allow others to bring out the worst in me? So often. Everyday I am challenged with this. Even if it is my own family, I am still falling to what Satan wants. How easy it is to "love the lovable!" Do you have someone in your life right now that is unlovable?

I remember the summer between my freshman and sophomore years in college. I was a camp counselor. I was given a cabin and each week we would receive a new set of campers. The week ahead of me was the first week that the campers would spend the entire week with us. So this was training ground for me. I was in charge of 10 little 1st grade girls. I remember meeting the girls that Sunday, excited to challenge them and pray with them and get to know them more. I could see quickly that one little girl wasn't going to be so easy to get to know. She had a hard look in her eyes. I was so broken that day for her. How could a little 7 year old girl be so hardened already? I learned later what her home life was like and it helped to give me better perspective. As my week went on I began stressing that we weren't going to mesh. I tried so hard but she had a strong will and would run off constantly. After several exhausting days I went to the camp director and sought his help. I have not forgot his words to me.

"Maria, sometimes God calls us to love the unlovely. Right now she is unlovely. He has called you to love her."

I was disappointed that he wasn't going to move her to another cabin or maybe send her home. I had to stick with it. I had to stick with her. I began praying that the Lord would help me to love her. Amazingly, I began to see good things in her and tried to call them out in her. The Lord began to soften her. By the end of the week she was smiling more than she had all week and she even gave me a hug before she went home. I ran into her later that summer and you could physically see a difference in her face. It was the Lord changing her.

That situation has challenged me and changed me in more ways than I can think. My perspective changes when I am forced to look hard at people that I don't feel like loving. I wonder what the Lord sees in them sometimes. I see so many "unlovable" people in my life. I feel the Lord challenging me, "So how are you going to love them?" I don't want to be a "run-of-the-mill sinner." I want to look differently. Who knows, I may be unlovable to someone else.

Some important lessons are best learned...

I barely made it in time for my flight out of Ohio. Apparently my bag didn't make it in time. It is all good though. But I did learn some important things along my trip:

1. No matter how tight the space, a baby can be changed twice in an airplane bathroom.
2. It is a lot of fun to wave "bye-bye" to airport lights at night!
3. Sky trains are really fast!
4. Strollers can to ride escalators.
5. Bottled water should not cost over $3.50 a bottle!
6. Airport personnel in a arrival city are not responsible for lost luggage in the departure city. Treat them that way!
7. Cheerios can be very entertaining on a long flight.
8. Don't waste money buying magazines to read while traveling with young children.
9. Max & Erma's, T.G.I. Fridays, Cheers, Wolfgang Pucks are wonderful places in the terminal for single adults, not young children!
10. Sometimes the most unsuspecting people can be the kindest strangers you will ever encounter!

Re-birthday!

I had the privilege of spending the weekend with family.

I flew into town on Thursday night, after a lay-over in St. Louis. Annie did surprisingly well for over 12 hours of traveling that day. Although I was a bit nervous on our flight out of town, a business man approached our seats and said, "Oh no, I don't know if I want to do this," referring to sitting next to me and my baby. But we enjoyed our hour and a half together. We talked the
entire way there and he helped to entertain Annie.

We snacked on airport food, took long walks around the terminal and watched as our flight departure time was delayed twice. She learned some new baby signs while we were there and I learned the delicate art of attending to restroom duties with a stroller and screaming baby in a smaller than normal handicapped stall.

We arrived at my parents house just after 1:00am and Annie was wide awake. She didn't take too well to being in a new crib so she slept with me and I awoke to her falling out of bed! Needless to say I was really tired Friday morning. We drove an hour to visit my friend Tammy and her family then spent the rest of the afternoon at David and Jenny's house. I really enjoyed my time with them. Augustine is getting so big and he made it very clear that Annie was not to touch his toys! :) I surprised him with Thomas the Train and I think we became fast friends.

As I was driving around town, I felt so lost. It has been 3 1/2 years since we left but it was more than not remembering street names, Duane wasn't with me. At some points it was nice to not have the responsibility of caring for two more children but they are my life. They are my heart and I felt a bit out of place without them.

Saturday we spent with my parents and began a search for Annie's Easter dress. We tried several different places but sweaters were a necessity in Ohio (it snowed almost the entire time I was there!) All winter clothing is put away in stores and the spring stuff is out. We settled on a cute little skirt and jacket. I also found a nice shirt and sweater vest.

Sunday came quickly. We arrived at my parents' church early and soon my grandfather arrived. He shared with me the testimony he was going to share before his baptism. I had no words. I just never thought that I would ever be in this place with him and it was his. It was his moment, it was his re-birth, it was his dedication to Someone that was changing him. He had his Bible with him too. God does amazing things. His word says that He do more than we ask or imagine. This is so much more than I had ever imagined.

I also ran into some close friends too. The Perry Family adopted me during college. While I was living with them their third youngest son was attending kindergarten and now he is a sophomore in high school. It was really good to catch up with them and to reminisce about how much we all have changed.

My uncle Mike and aunt Jerri came as did all my cousins: Jenny and her son Gabe, Kelly, Christy and Steve. As we sang during the service I was overcome with the thought that I was worshipping with my whole family. Sometimes I couldn't sing because of the emotions I was experiencing. Soon, my grandfather got up to share his testimony. As I held the camera to record him, I started sobbing. What a moment. My grandfather was laid bare, his emotions and his declaration of what a change Jesus has made in his life was overwhelming. Eight others were baptized along with him.

We shared lunch at my parent's house afterwards. It is in those moments that the Lord reveals what a sweet time we have when we are with other believers. My grandmother was missing and I felt that heavily. But even so, what a time to be celebrating!

2 Corinthians 6:2 says that today is the day of salvation, don't wait till tomorrow. I am so thankful for what the Lord has done!

Complete Joy

JOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOYJOY

Dictionary.com defines JOY as :

the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

The emotion that was caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.

Have you ever experienced an emotion like that? I can think of a few instances in my life that have caused me great joy. The day that Duane asked me to marry him stands out in my mind. Each time I found out I was pregnant brought extreme joy to me! But what about a different kind of joy?

"As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:9-11

What does it mean to have our joy be complete? This is a question that I have wondered about quite often. But recently I think that the Lord has definitely shown me a glimpse of what Jesus is talking about.

About 3 1/2 years ago I was praying and my grandfather came to mind. I began praying for him and the Lord showed me some scripture. I was blown away by the passage because it spoke about my grandfather. Isaiah 57:17-19 says:

"...I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel."

My grandfather has made it very clear that he didn't need the Lord in his life. Many of us in the family have written him letters, spoke to him and all of us have prayed for him for a long time. As I read those verses I asked the Lord what He wanted me to understand. I felt Him say that He wasn't going to allow my grandfather to die until he had made a decision for Him. I shared this with my mom and we began seriously praying for my grandfather. Every now and then we would remind each other of this scripture. We didn't know when this would take place but we knew we had to believe the Lord for this.

Just a little over a year ago my grandmother passed away suddenly. My entire family was devastated and we watched my grandfather mourn for her. I continued to pray that the Lord would use this to show my grandfather that he needed the Lord and the strength that only He could give him.

The scripture came alive again in my heart. We were the "mourners in Israel" mourning the death of my grandmother and watching as my grandfather struggled through such a tough time. The Lord was fulfilling His promise to "guide him and restore comfort to him." My grandfather began reading the Bible and meeting with a pastor to ask a lot of questions. Finally a few months ago my grandfather accepted Jesus as his Savior! The Lord had fulfilled His promise!!!

Now comes the best part: God is "creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel!" Next week I will be flying back home to watch my grandfather get baptized! I cannot even begin to describe the joy I have inside. It is Jesus' joy. My joy has been made complete!

My Bruised Ego

Ever have one of those moments you thought you were in control of but only to find out that time has slowed down at that precise moment and you cannot control it?

I had one of those moments last night.

Duane and I began some yard work. That in of itself is enough to stop time. Duane despises yard work, I love it but I don't have a lot of time since I have to keep an eye on so many little ones. I used to ask Duane for some help until I realized it was like asking me to wash, wax and detail all of our cars. I'd do it but I'd be thinking of more important things to do with my time. We are having an open house this weekend for Duane's birthday and we wanted to make the backyard more inviting.

Duane was the one who started the yard work, I was so amazed that I ran inside to get Annie ready. I grabbed her jacket and started to walk into the living room to get her walker so she could be outside with us. If you have been to my house lately you'd notice that there is an abundance of baby gates. I have put them everywhere so the babies do not escape throughout the day.

As I walked into the living room, I had to cross over a baby gate. As I brought the first leg over it got caught on the pant leg of the other. I worked it free and continued over the gate. I pulled the other leg over and got it caught on the gate and began the descent to the hardwood floor with my 13 month old in my arms. Time slowed down and I groaned and fell flat on my side. I couldn't free either of my arms to catch myself since I was trying to protect Annie from getting hurt. My other two girls were in the room watching The Incredibles. Jena turned around as I was struggling to sit up. I was shaking because I was so afraid that I had hurt Annie, I had landed on one of her legs. Annie stuck her bottom lip out to make matters worse and began to cry. I am sure at that moment I didn't look quite like Elastigirl!

Jena on the other hand began to crack up laughing. If I hadn't had Annie in my arms I probably would have too but at the present moment I wanted to start crying along with Annie. I tried to stand up on my wobbly legs but I was shaking so badly that it probably made Jena laugh all the more. Just as I was ready to exit the room and leave my pride on the floor where it had fallen, Duane came in. I explained to him what had just happened and he began laughing too.

This morning I felt every bit my age waking up. My hip, knee and thigh are all bruised. I hurt my back in the process and I want to throw those dumb baby gates in the trash! Thank goodness for lessons in humility. They really begin to put us in our place even if it means a trip to the chiropractor for an adjustment!

Jena's Short Story

Jena is learning so much in kindergarten. I am constantly amazed at how quickly she is learning new words and learning to put them together. The school district uses 51 sight words. She has them all memorized and just last week entered the "Sight Word Club." I am so proud of her!

Last week she wrote her first short story. She borrowed some help from one of her favorite books about Curious George. She came up with the story line all by herself. The following story is written by Jena Marshall:


Curious George Gos to the Doctor
by Hans and Margaret Rey

Curious George wock (woke) up the neix (next) moring (morning) to go to the Docter. The Doctes (Doctor) looks in his ears. He lookt (looked) vare (very) good. Curious George got home. He wunt (want) to joi (draw) a picthr (picture) of he gos to the docter. The end.


I believe that I was functioning at this level when I was in 2ND grade. Surely, I was only learning about colors and shapes in kindergarten! I remember going half-days and never meeting the kid who went to afternoon kindergarten that I shared a locker with. Mrs. De Paula was my teacher's name. She was so warm and inviting. I remember being extremely shy and the smallest child in the class. Towards the end of kindergarten I was moved to the round table. It was rumored that the round table was for the special kids, the ones that were especially liked by the teacher. That is where I developed my first crush. Chris Webb. I secretly liked him till 6Th grade. Amazing. Other boys came and went but Chris and I had the connection of the round table. It almost seems like a Wonder Years episode.

Jena is having her own special recognition. She was recently moved from the #13 spot in line to the #2 spot. Never mind that she was moved because someone else couldn't pay attention in line, it made her feel very special. I am thankful that she has that. I just pray that she hasn't developed any crushes! I know her daddy wouldn't be too happy about that.

Another Decade

I've recently entered a new decade.

The day of my entrance was one of the worst days I have had in a long time. Without being too specific about my horrific day, I will say that I entertained the idea of walking away from the new decade. When the day ended I was still where I was needed and the next day had to get better, right??

In some respects it did get a bit better but not by much.

I received a card from my grandfather. In it he shared a quote from Thomas Kincade:

"Practice looking at the rooms around you with joy and thankfulness, recognizing how blessed you are to have a place to live. The people and places that are closest to us are the first to be neglected in times of stress."

At first I thought this isn't the typical greeting in a birthday card, but the more I thought about it, the Lord used my grandfather to speak a hard word to me. I haven't been thankful for what I have. I am whining and complaining about how I want God's blessing in my life and when it comes I don't recognize it as such but think that either I don't deserve the goodness or I complain about it. If I continue, what is going to make Him want to keep blessing me if I keep wanting to give it back? Eventually He may just stop altogether.

I have been feeling stressed out and living in the "woe is me" stage of life lately. I want to stop living there and move into a better season. Spring is around the corner and new life buds and there seems to be an expectancy in the earth of this new life. I am looking forward to walking in this newness.

Mind you I am not bemoaning this new decade. I think that I have prepared myself for it for a while and I am not sad that I am here. In fact I hope that I will embrace it and not worry that the grays are coming and the crows feet that creep across the aging face are coming towards me. I know many women that have embraced their age and they look very comfortable with who they are. Lord, let me be one of them.

Nurses in our bodies

As promised another wise saying from Paige:


We have a friend who thanks the Lord for the food and asks the Lord to "bless the food to the nourishments of our body." His children pray for their food the same way and my children have picked up on it too.

Except when Paige prays she says, "Thank you Jesus for the nurses in our bodies."

I started to laugh when she prayed it but then I was sobered by the Lord. I felt Him remind me that I interpret things very differently than what they are meant to be interpreted as.

Many things come to mind. Sometimes I hear what I want to hear from my husband, because I don't want to really hear what he is saying to me. I do the exact same thing with the Lord. I may think that I have heard Him say, "Go this way," or "Do this thing." But oftentimes the build-up of wax in my ears isn't helping. I proceed the way that I think is best without double-checking with Him to see if I heard Him correctly. The thing that I am doing might be "good" but it may not be the "best" for me at the time. I have been reminded by a good friend that we all are in different seasons in our lives and sometimes those seasons are a waiting season. Waiting isn't bad. Many times it is just what we need to find out if we have heard correctly. It is always good to err on the side of caution than to be further down the wrong road.

I am thankful for the "nurses in my bodies" because they remind me that I need to listen more closely to what is going on around me.

Wise words from a 3 year old...

Paige has been coming out of herself lately. If anyone has known anything about her in the past 3 years of her life, they would immediately agree that Paige was very uncertain of the world and the people that were in it.

Paige would greet people with a scowl. We had several good friends ask us if we thought that she liked them when she was about 18 months old. Some asked if she ever smiled. She did, but she just reserved it for us at home. She just seemed really untrusting of people in general. To drive my point home a little, she didn't even really like Duane the first year or so of her life. She was a "mama's girl" through and through.

Light is dawning in her smile these days. She still is uncertain of most people but once she learns that Mommy is comfortable with them then will she slowly come out of her shell around them. But behind closed doors at home, Paige leads a different life. Lately she has become the family clown.

With her crazy antics, comes some wise words...

Paige: Mommy, did you know that carrots make your elbows strong?

Mommy: Really? Hmm, I didn't know that.

Paige: Yes, they do. See? (Paige flexes her muscles to show me how strong her elbows are.)


Another time after going potty:

Paige: Mommy? I just went potty.

Mommy: Good job Paige.

Paige: I went #3.

Mommy: Oh, yeah? What is number #3?

Jena: It is toots, pee-pee and poopy!

Paige: Jena is silly, she made that up last year!


Paige tries to come up with all types of excuses for not going to bed...

Paige: Mommy guess what?

Mommy: What Paige? (Can you hear the exhaustion in my voice?)

Paige: My voice sounds like an old lady and that cracks me up!


This one was just tonight:

Paige: Mommy, where do police men sleep?

Mommy: At their houses.

Paige: Oh, ok.


I know that there are more of these stories floating around, I am having a hard time remembering them. Most I think that at the time I will write them down and I get distracted and forget. I will post them as they come to mind.

One Year Old!

Lying exactly as she had for almost 9 months, Annie tries to keep warm under the lights in the hospital. It is amazing that this little baby less than 30 minutes after being born has brought so much joy into our family this past year. I realize that I am being brave by posting this telling photo just moments after her birth. But considering the long night we had just come through and the fear in birthing her as quickly as I had to, I think that the smile was says it all. We had known that we were having another girl and were just so excited to share her name with everyone. It seemed to fit. Annie Noelle.
Annie has graced us with another life this year. She finds ways to make us laugh and sometimes make us cover our ears! She certainly is the loudest of the bunch but she has a sweet giggle and loves her older sisters so much. She is learning baby signs and is ready to walk. Despite her amazing accomplishments this year we know that the Lord has more for her. She has been prayed for and promised and then delivered. We know that God placed her in our family for some specific reason and we hope that we have the tools to teach her and outfit her for the rest of her life. In the meantime we'll enjoy waiting for those firsts and relishing in hearing her call us by name.

Pain

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin (1903-1977)

Pain usually isn't something most of us run towards, specifically speaking, you would see me running as far away as possible. I can be a big talker when it comes to dealing with pain, but when it hits, I am a wuss. I would like to think that my tolerance for pain has increased over the past 10 years, but sometimes I wonder.

Escapism is a hot word in my mind. I don't like to admit my cowardly ways but I tend to pretend the pain is nonexistent than to actually feel it. That tendency in me scares me sometimes. I fear that if I cease to feel the pain or at least pretend that it doesn't affect me, someday the truth of that may come true. Lord, forbid that from happening in me. I want to feel, not to live in a foggy state of nothingness.



Sometimes we have to feel the pain for God to heal the pain; but when His feelings converge with ours, the process is bearable.
-Beth Moore

It makes me understand more how with time healing comes to our pain. It brings a balm that in the initial moment of pain we cannot soothe ourselves with. The salve is thick as it coats the scars. It soothes the pain but often the scar remains. We are changed- we look differently than before. But a process has begun in us, it doesn't have to go just skin deep. If we allow the healing it can penetrate deeper, into the places that are in desperate need of healing. Only our spirit can fully feel the need- that's why God promises His Spirit as our comforter. He knows those places better than we know them ourselves.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
-Sophocles (496BC-406BC)

Friday Night Meeting

This past Friday night we attended a leaders' meeting for the youth group that we are involved with. We spent the better part of 2 hours making plans for this year, discussing ways we can improve ourselves as leaders and then spent some time in prayer for the students.

Can you guess what some of the students were doing while we were busy planning their futures????

TOILET-PAPERING their beloved leaders' homes!!!! The audacity of some people!

We came home to put our tired children to bed Friday night and as we pulled up in front of our house, we were welcomed to the sight of toliet paper hanging from our trees and bushes. Proudly displayed on our sidewalk was: "WE (), (that is a heart) U! GOTCHA!" Then on the steps leading up to our front door was: "You have been officially initiated." Hmmm...initiated into what? The only thing that we are involved in is the youth group. So it leads us to believe that we were initiated, FINALLY, into the youth group after a full year of helping out.


IT IS ABOUT TIME LADIES!!!

I will confess that I snuck out of my house to retaliate on two of the people obviously involved. I gave myself away at Michelle's apartment, and seeing how she lives so close to Taya, I confessed to having some fun at Taya's house. (Remember to check the mouth of the deer in your front yard Taya.)

As silly as Friday night was for me, I really needed it. I finally felt ALIVE!!! Just kidding, but it was a great time, even if I was by myself! Ha, Ha!

Just Another Tuesday Morning

What a morning it has been!

Since it has been so cold recently we've had a time with some ice on our cars. The ice is pretty bad on our driveway that we haven't been able to park on it. Our driveway is extremely steep and there is a little fear that the car won't make it up the drive. We have been parking our cars out in front of our house.

This morning I went to start the car and begin the ice scrapping process. Most people wait for their car to warm up to scrape but my morning is so crazy trying to get 4 little people dressed and ready to leave, I cannot allow for that luxury. When I got done scrapping I came inside and smelled like exhaust fumes. I also smelled something else. Someone had a poopy diaper. I really cannot afford spare time to change a diaper at this stage of the game, I also had left the 6 year old in charge of feeding the 11 month old her cereal. But seeing how I would have to continue smelling this I took the time and that someone was very grateful.

As I drove the 6 year old to kindergarten the car beeped at me and she (the 6 year old) informed me, the driver, that the car was almost out of gas. Thank you. I dropped her off and watched her waddle on the ice into her school. Then I took off to go run my errands. The 3 year old says, "When we are done with Errand are we going to the grocery store?" She doesn't quite grasp that an errand includes going to the grocery store. She thinks that it is separate, whatever "errand" is in her mind, I have no idea! After running to the bank I remember my husband telling me the other day that the front tire of my car is getting low. So as I stop to fill up the tank I take a look. Sure enough it is. I spot the air hose with a sign that reads "$0.75 for air!" I choke at paying $0.75 for something that appears to me to be free. I don't pay for the kind I use everyday.

I pull the car around to fill the tire up. I cannot find the tire gauge so I am thinking that I will put just enough in until I can ask Duane where the gauge is and we will properly fill it later. As I walk around to the tire I notice a sign that says "In freezing temperatures place the air hose in your car's tail pipe for one minute before turning the air on." What??? I am a person that follows the rules, so I walk around to the back of my car and insert the air hose in my tail pipe. As I am sitting there on the ice holding the hose and trying to count to one minute, I can hear my baby screaming in the car. Fun times. I lose count because I cannot breathe the carbon dioxide fumes anymore and I am getting a headache. Why would anyone want to commit suicide this way? It sure smells and you get a horrible headache.

As I am fitting the warmed air hose onto my tire, I test it to make sure that the air is really coming out. I have filled tires before and it sure doesn't seem like enough air is coming out. But I paid $0.75 for this air and I am going to put it in my tire. The pressure is ridiculous. I try to equate it to something that makes sense in my brain. I know! It is like asking a 95 year old man with emphysema to blow up my tire! The time ends and the tire looks like it actually lost air. I don't have patience for this. The baby is still screaming and I am loosing feeling in my hands. It is only 8 degrees outside.

We go to the store and purchase our groceries. As we walk to the car I glance at the tire and it is almost flat! How did that happen? After inspecting it closer I decide that I still have enough air to drive to another gas station for another round of air. I load all the kids inside, a kind gentleman followed me out to the car and loaded all the groceries in the trunk for me. For this I am extremely grateful.

When I pull into the gas station, the baby begins screaming again, the 3 year old tells me that she is VERY thirsty and extremely hungry NOW. I just get out of the car and try again with the tire. This time I think to myself, "I will take my chances with the tire exploding, I am not going to sit at the back of my car and place this stupid hose in the tail pipe again!" This air is FREE!!!! My hopes are growing, I push the black button on the machine and the hose ROARS to life. What a difference. I place in on the tire and immediately see the tire move as it sucks up the air it needs. Since I cannot find the tire gauge, I place a guesstimation game and gauge the tire with what the other tires look like. Finally I put the tire cap back on and climb into the car. I just want to go home.

I am exhausted and it isn't even 10:30am yet.

What a morning.

Finishing what we start

Yesterday during our church service we had an oppurtunity to dedicate all three of the girls to the Lord. Not many people were in attendance though thanks to the sleet we've received over the past few days. Anyhow, our children's pastor Chris shared a verse with us and it reminded me of the incredible responsibility we have to teach our children about Jesus.

Proverbs 22:6 says:
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

In The Message version is reads:
"Point your kids in the right direction-when they're old they won't be lost."

Either way we are instructed to turn our children to the right way. In the NIV version there is a side note next to the word "Train" which says "Start." I think that this implies that it begins at a young age. Our children pick up habits and words fairly easy when they are young. Annie has just learned this weekend how to shake her head "No." Obviously she has seen us say "no" with our heads, it is easy for her to mimick because she sees it modeled quite often, especially when she is headed towards the cat food!

The dictionary defines the word "train" as:
"to develop or form the habits, thoughts, or behavior of (a child or other person) by discipline and instruction."

We are given this command to develop, train, form, discipline and instruct our children when they are young. The Lord gives us a promise at the end of this verse: "when he is old he will not turn from it." I have seen some this principle lived out in a few families too. It gives me hope that even as we certainly will make mistakes as parents but the Lord is faithful to us and to our children. Let's go on to finish what we've started in our own children!

The Chandelier & Other News

Because I have had several requests for a photograph of the chandelier from my parents, here is the photo:

Several posts ago, I wrote about the horrible week we were experiencing. I thought that I would give an update on those stories too. The first photo was of Duane's car being towed away. The problem was quickly fixed but then 2 days before Christmas, someone tried out their new BB gun on his back windshield, shattered the back window and grazed the side of his car in several places. I have had a really hard time forgiving this person, Duane handled it extremely well, and I am continually amazed by his responses!

Also, we had just begun our bathroom remodel. Since we are new to this remodeling phase things are a bit slow around here but I thought I would share some fun photographs. We have had some help from some good friends along the way. Kudos to Paul and his muscles. He almost carried the entire steel tub down our stairs. Jeremy, before he skipped the country (just kidding Jeremy!) was around to help the boys steer the tub out of the house. Never mind those pesky pantry doors Jeremy! My dad was the MAN laying subflooring, running electric to the bathroom, installing an exhaust fan, playing around in our attic, wiring new sconces, cutting and putting up new drywall, what else am I forgetting??? He rocked the bathroom, it really is dedicated to him! Michael lovingly taught Duane this weekend how to "sweat pipe." I feel kind of like I know what I am talking about using this lingo!

Let's see, what has Maria done to help out? Oh yeah there was that one night this week, I taped the seams of the drywall and got a horrible migraine in the process and had to go to bed, then woke up to Duane lovingly holding a bucket for me while I dispensed my dinner in it! I can take no credit for this remodel. I am so proud of my husband and his tenacidy with this project. Although he did say this morning that this is his opus. I think that he wants to go out on a high note when this bathroom is done and take a long break from any more remodels for a while. I can respect that.

Believe it or not, these two photos are of the same wall in the bathroom! It is amazing the transformation that is taking place. Paige is counting down the days that she no longer has to take showers!