My Friend Ben

I have a neighbor that I am in love with, I confess. He has my heart for various reasons but I think the thing that attracted me to him is his heart. I met him several days after I moved to Massachusetts. He is lively and connected with my children. He touched something inside of me that made me view my marriage in a different way than I had before. He made me look at my children with new affection. He made me love him without knowing him.

My neighbor's name is Ben. Today is his birthday. He turns 88. He is a widower. He lost his beloved Josephine 15 months ago. He's lived in the same house since he was a boy. He raised his own family in the house he was raised in. He recounts stories of how he has seen our small town expand and change with the decades. He's grown old with his wife there.

As we conversed today I found myself wanting to hug him. Rarely does someone I barely know evoke such a strong feeling. I had to step away from him at one point for fear I'd scare him because of how strong I felt to reach out to him.

His eyes misted over as he talked about his wife. She was the love of his life. He says that although she has been gone over a year, he still roams about the house looking for her. He shared that he visits her grave everyday, sometimes twice a day. He feels connected to her when he is there.

The emotions he was feeling were consuming me. I found myself crying with him as he described her last days. She was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She was living in a hospital bed in the sunroom that he had converted into a bedroom for her. One night last February around 9pm, she asked him if he could see the bright light that was above her. He was confused since it was pitch black in her room and he couldn't see the light she was talking about. Then she called out to him, "Ben, come over here and give me a kiss. Come give me one more kiss." He went to her, kissed her and felt her body go limp. She died in his arms.





Several days ago I asked the Lord to help me love more. I wanted to love people like He wants me to. I want to know how He sees them. I want to experience His love for them. I don't think I really completely grasped what that would feel like. I believe He let me feel His love for Ben today. Such an intense feeling, it is hard to describe how much God loves Ben. God's heart breaks for Ben's pain and loss. God stands beside Ben as he mourns his wife's passing each day. He has His hand on him as Ben talks with her. He wipes the tears from his face. He loves Ben.

I came back into my house completely shaken to my core. Loving others this way I expect will leave me feeling vulnerable. These feelings are real. This love is consuming. This is to live.

I hope someday Ben can grasp how fully he is loved by his Father.